VRP#2
Never Ending Day
The clouds covered the sun poorly brightening the sky
The clouds enclosed the gate to heaven
Refraining from whichever path is said to be the unknown
In the high skies above
The tall guarded trees in the background
Out-looked the bits and pieces put aside in the scene
The tall, built big trees stand as a mystery as they were colored black
Showing us no mercy at all
Signaling us that they were the most dominant
Over the horizon you catch a glimpse of a sunset forming
Dusk has overcome us
Finally that time if day which is reminding us
That the day has almost come to an end
Day to night, night to day
Having each bits and piece
Unite, standing proud, transforming into
Something many of artists may perhaps identify as
A masterpiece
I really liked how it’s deep, and it has more than just what you read. You have to think about it.
How are the trees in the background guarded? I wouldn’t mix in dawn, because you only mentioned it twice and it kind of confused me.
Praise:
I really liked your word choise. I like how you ended your poem and the last couple of lines are really good.
Question:
The very beginning of the poem it say “the clouds poorly lit the sky.” then it say “the clouds enclose the gates of heaven.” Do you mean that i was light outside and then the clouds are making the sky duller or less bright??
Polish:
Just re-read it again to make sure that it makes sense and it flows.
GOOD JOB!! it’s a really good poem! also i love the picture! :]